While a short blog cannot cover such a comprehensive topic as attachment and how that relates to a person’s image of God, hopefully, this article can provide a basic understanding of how attachment styles might impact a person. If a person had abusive or unloving caregivers, then their image of themselves, the world, and God may be an unhealthy one. They may believe that the other people in the world and God are not trustworthy and perhaps they can only trust themselves. This can show up in a person’s spiritual life as they lean on their own understanding rather than understanding that comes from God or scripture. In times of distress, and especially times of sin and shame, they may run from God. While there are many scriptures indicating that God longs for us to come to Him (Matt. 11:28-30), to sit in His presence (Psalm 46:10), to receive His peace (John 16:33) and love (John 3:16, 1 John 4:16), it can be very difficult for someone who has not experienced that here on Earth because their parent or caregiver was not available to them in times of distress or need.

We tend to have an image and expectation of what love looks like and how others will respond to us based on very early experiences from parents or caregivers. If a person has had a parent who shows more love or approval for certain behaviors and rejects other behaviors or emotions, they may similarly feel that God only loves them when they are “good.” In the Bible, it says that “while we were still sinners Christ died for us (Rom. 5:8).” What this means is that God knew in advance every sin we would ever commit and loved us and gave us grace and mercy anyway. This grace is not based on our good deeds but only on the work of Jesus Christ (Eph. 2:8-9). While a person may understand this intellectually, they may have a very different understanding experientially. This is sometimes explained as the difference between the head and the heart. Our mind may know that God is loving, merciful, slow to anger, and good (Ps. 145:8-9), but experientially, our heart may fear that He is going to limit His forgiveness at a certain point or turn from us when we have committed sins.

Alternatively, if we had parents who were permissive but lacked true care in guiding us, we may have the impression that God does not really about our choices. Our image of God, as shaped by our primary caregivers,can make God very different in our eyes than who He describes Himself to be in the Bible. God cares deeply about our hearts as well as the actions that pour from our hearts, and God is merciful to guide us from unhealthy and sinful behaviors to behaviors that are imitative of Christ (Prov. 16:9, James 2:14-17, 1 John 3:9, Eph. 5:1-2).

One way to see how a person’s attachment style affects their view of God is by how that person reacts when they are in distress, or when they have sinned. A person with an avoidant attachment style will often want to shut down and avoid prayer or maybe stop going to church. On the other end of the spectrum, a person with a preoccupied attachment style may begin to pray constantly out of anxiety and fear of God turning away from them. Both are reactions to different experiences early in life that result in an incomplete or inaccurate picture of who God is and can result in ways of interacting with God and their spiritual lives in sometimes unhealthy ways.

God explains in the Bible that he is the Good Shepherd (Jn. 10:11), the good father (Ps. 68:5-6), our provider (Phil. 4:19, Gen 22:14), our protector (Ps. 91:1-2), the healer (Jer. 30:17, Ps. 30:2), He is love (1 Jn. 4:7-9), full of Grace (Eph. 2:8-9, Rom 5:20-21), and merciful (Eph 2:4-5, Is. 30:18). God is wise (Rom. 11:33-36), just (Ps 89:14), wrathful (Nah. 1:2-6), and loving us so much that He sent his one and only Son, Jesus, to take our place in order to protect us from His wrath and to show us His love (Is. 53: 4-12, Jn 3:16). This description as well as many more that are in the Bible show God to be loving, trustworthy, and never changing. Those who have not experienced caregivers who have had enough of these qualities to create secure attachment may benefit from therapy and or spiritual direction to work toward healing and more secure attachment.

Through therapy, a person can learn at an experiential level how much God loves them no matter what they have done in this life, and they can start to trust and come to God knowing He is loving and merciful. For a person with an avoidant attachment, this would mean that as they heal, they would not run from God or avoid other Christians during hard times. For a person with a preoccupied attachment, this might mean that they feel less fearful or have less need to pray repetitive prayers asking for forgiveness out of anxiety that God did not hear them the first time. With healing, a person can move toward secure attachment allowing them to have a healthier image of God that is balanced and leads them to feel that they can rest in God’s love securely.